My Own Personal Ninja

Sep 26

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All my problems have been solved! Mess with me and my personal ninja will kick your ass!
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“Fortune and love favor the brave.”

Sep 21

“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”
~ Anais Nin

Sometimes, we have to make those painful decisions and then force ourselves to live with the consequences. Doing so won’t kill me, but rather, allow me to live.
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I Heart Penis

Sep 20

Two Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask Men for Hair Advice

1. “But then the drapes won’t match the rug.”
2. “Honestly, I think green would look good.”

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Jewelry Class, Day 2

Sep 19

Last night at jewelry class, I sawed. And sawed. And sawed some more. Below is my template and 2 shots, front and back, of the progress I made last night. I hope to have almost all the remaining parts cut out for next week.

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Impromtu Test in Motorcycle Safety

Sep 18

Vulcan: 45 mph
Road: wet
Light: yellow
Me: foolish
Back Tire: eerrrrRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Vulcan: fishtail
Me: emergency recovery
Vehicular onlookers: stunned
Heart: BaDumBaDumBaDumBaDumBaDum
Adreneline: whooooooosh

notes: I forced myself to laugh after successfully stopping, if only to relax myself a bit. Traffic waiting for their green actually waited to see what I was going to do (stop, crash, run the light) before proceeding. I was actually wearing my helmet!

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Dear Douglas Coupland,

Sep 16

Incase you were not aware: One 5lb bag of senior dog food PLUS your latest novel, jPod, in hard cover PLUS 3 paperbacks (Kafka on the Shore by Murakami; Under the Black Flag, novel about pirates; The Da Vinci Code, which I still haven’t read and only picked up because it was buy 2 get 1 free) PLUS all my rain gear equals danger. To be exact, a serious adjustment in the center of my usual 2 wheelin’ gravity that almost resulted in some Brazil-type-loser being run over while I was attempting to turn right onto Westheimer.

jPod, by the way, is amazing. By page 39, I was in love. At page 43, I realized that I’d accidentally eaten half a piece of wax paper that was inadvertently left attached to the Swiss cheese in my sandwich. At this point I can safely say that my plans to clean the house, do laundry and get more smokes have been thwarted. I will not likely leave my sofa to eat, shit, drink or answer the phone until I’ve rabidly read through every last page.

It is my thinking that anyone who has not yet learned to adore each and every word you’ve written should be chopped up, thrown into a meat grinder and fed to all the losers who still haven’t heard of Cory Doctorow.

as ever,

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Nostalgia or “Dusty Returns to Her Roots”

Sep 16

Ten years ago almost seems like a fantasy now; the punk rock past that I made up in my head. Hearing Rich laugh in amazement over who I have become served as a bold reminder. It was the real deal. I really was that 90 pound, no future punker. Wasting my life, staring out the factory window, wondering how many more days it would be before I kicked that stupid bum out of the alley and took his place. What a difference a little difference can make. I remind myself on a daily basis that things are so much better now. I’ve come a long way, baby.

I’d like to dedicate today to the 90s. Today I will honor the dirty punkrock that lives on inside me. Regardless of who or where I am now, that good-for-nothing shit is very much a part of who I am today.

On the menu:
The Nobodys, The Queers, No Use for a Name, Dropkick Murphys, Selector, Screeching Weasel, Leatherface, Crass, Nomeansno, The Vandals, Pigface, etc etc.

Sad Little Girl ~ Screeching Weasel
your smiley face is out of order today
everything’s wrong and you can’t shut it off
sad little girl
just stop resisting
you’ll never change anything
start sharpening your claws
don’t try to live the way that you want
cause it’s a lost cause
sad little girl
the time goes by so slow
there’s nothing to do except claw at yourself
just try to find a way to make it through fifty more years
without screaming all the way
the one solution is to stop thinking at all
rip out your brain now and sew up your mouth
’cause things never work out for you
and they never will
sad little girl
little girl, little girl
sad little girl

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One More Thing

Sep 16

Note to self and others: I’m not always miserable!

Touching manboobs makes me happy.

I lurve me some Amos.
Bittersweet because now he’s moved away.

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After All is Said and Done

Sep 16

Repeat after me: I will not spill my guts to the interweb.

Instead, I’ll let MTX do it for me in a much more ambiguous fashion.

“I’ll sit through your replies, but I’ve seen the answers in your eyes. I’ve still got room for more lies, but now you’re walking away. We had a lovely day. You had to cast a spell on it. I had to try not to dwell on it with nothing to say. I’m already far away, trying to forget another yesterday. Don’t snatch your hand away. I promise not to bite you or kiss you just to spite you– you’ll get your way. And I’m only on the way to trying to forget another yesterday. And we’ve got a ways to go. What I said to you won’t get to you, but if we had a place to go I’d still want to be there too. And I’m always on the way to trying to forget another yesterday.”

And furthermore…
“After all is said and done there’s not much to say or to do, except for keep on keeping on and start again anew. At least the future’s in my hands and life is a thing to live for, cause now I have another chance to screw it up once more.”

Thank you, Dr Frank, for pre-saying all these things for me.

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The Way of Pain

Sep 16

She warned me that I’d be choosing the way of pain. I should have known that I’d already chosen it the minute I opened my big, fat mouth. Or more appropriately, the minute I opened my little, black heart. It was going to be the way of pain no matter what.

I’m trying to get over my optimism and admit that everything really does suck at the moment. If I can admit that, than maybe I can stop pretending that everything will work out. I can’t say that it won’t get better (eventually), but if I can admit defeat then maybe I can stop feeling like shit. I am not going to get what I want. I just wish I could give up on certain things. Some people say, you usually find what you’re looking for when you’re not even looking. Maybe (just maybe), there’s truth in that, but it still sounds like a fucking load of “here’s a stupid cliche to make you feel better” bullshit.

Everything hurts lately. Every little stupid thing. Making something out of nothing and nothing out of something.

She said, “Stop blaming yourself and start blaming the cause. Maybe then you can stop being sad, get mad and get over this shit. Stop punishing yourself, for a change.” For a change? How about things go my way for once?!? Now that would be a change.

She said, “Sometimes, you have to fight for what you want.” I don’t think I can fight. I can’t stand to lose anymore. I can’t risk looking like an ass in front of myself again. This same old, same old is driving me off the deep end.

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